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Posted on 2011 at 14
Wow! After i-don't-know-for-how-long, the Girl could see what I see in the Sycophant. Today when the Girl arrived at the office, she sais she was very glad to see me, that she needed someone to talk. The thing was that on friday, she went to one of the Sycophant's farewell parties (she'll be leaving Gutsa by the end of this month). ANd she was bothered by several things about her character.

The first thing that bothered the Girl was that the Sycophant bragged about how bad they'll fare at Gutsa now that she won't be there, that she did my work and the Girl's work all alone. The Girl said that was a very unfair thing to say, that it seemed like we have been spared of with a reason since our work could be done by one person alone.

The second thing that bothered her was that she finally knew about our new company for Smart-Lex. She was upset because the Girl didn't tell her. The Girl syas she didn't tell her because she was afraid that she might think we were playing dirty on the Sycophant. I know this is true because we've been discussing the matter for a long time. I even "let" her convince me that it was not necessary for us to tell the Sycophant, since this is entirely another business. What the Girl didn't like was the fact that the Sycophant told her she was very upset, that she made it appear as something akin to treason and then she rubbed it in her face when we have been very indulgent with her. She promised she would be with us a year ago, and not only she has not honoured her promise, she got another job and left us to deal with all the roughness of freelancing. She owes us money, she said her friends would give us an insane amount of work. And none of these things has happened. and we have not said a word about that. As the Girls said, we understand her circumstances and make concessions. But she just won't understand ours. I have to confess that my mouth has been shut purely for convenience - I do not want to give her the chance to play victim and slip again in the law firm. We know I could very well use the money she owes me. 

The third thing that made the Girl unhappy was the one which led her to almost full comprehension of the Sycophant's real nature. The Girl apparently started talking about how much she despises R.R. The Sycophant was all like "Oh, come on, get over it, let it go" and she said something like "He never did anything bad to me, so he mustn't be as foul as you think he is". This was a big mistake on the Sycophant's part - the Girl just thought "How can she think this bloke is not that bad just because he never did anything bad to her? What about all the damage he did to her friends, including us?" It was a very selfish and stupid thing to say. 

I let her talk and tried to take her to the point to which I wanted her to arrive: we are not the same. We have never been the same. We don't see the same things, she is very shallow and she is very selfish and she does not wish to collaborate. She just wants to receive.

The Girl says that at one point, the Sycophant told her that she was very changed, but in a way which made it sound like something bad. 

The Girl is sad because of the realization that she and Sycophant are no longer on the same track and by that our team no longer exists, that they cannot be friends anymore. It's somethng similar to what happened between Pixan and me. One day we just had nothing in common. She said the same, that I had changed.

I also think we have changed, but I am happy with the changes. If i can get her to see the kind of person that the Sycophant really is, I'll be satisfied. I wish she could see that what she says about R.R. is pure servilism, just the way two years ago she told her that she was more than ready to leave Gutsa, that she had all her support. I think I will never know how much of those words were her nature getting the best of her or a desiere to make me look bad infront of the Girl, to make me look unenthusiastic and unsupportive. It doesn't matter now. It really doesn't. 

Now on to different subjects - I've drown in an excess of my past. I don't know, everything seems to talk about the one that I was. I like it, but I feel like it is taking too much time away from me. I'd like nothing more than to sit down and put an order to my things and write what I remember and remember what i have forgotten. But geesh, just not now.

I've been having strange dreams also (very, very unusual thing in me, I know) One day I dreamed I had a red car made of candy and I licked the front parts of it. This weekend I dreamed i was kidnapped and forced to work. I escaped with two other girls and rented a small room to sleep. We worked as cooks afterwards.

Leonora Carrington died about a week and a half ago. I am sad, she was such a great artist, she had such marvelous stories. My life, the past that taunts me now would not be half as dear to me had it not been for her.

I'm listening to PJ Harvey right now. She's so great.


aynumod at 2011-11-01 11:02 (UTC) (Feux! )
Your blog looks nice, even so it would be far better if you’ll be able to use lighter colors too as a professional design. This will make sure that a lot more readers come to check it out.Informative post by the way!

pagetxykut at 2011-11-03 07:02 (UTC) (Feux! )
great post as usual!

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